I have not been here in so long. And so many things have happened. I realize now that everything you do or speak or say has repercussions. I also realize that those people who you think you know, you don't know. That even people who you think are bad or nuts or stubborn are really good people.

I also know that nothing will ever be the same and that deep down in my hearts of hearts I don't know if I will ever be happy again. I miss Jacq and I miss Daddy. I miss smiling and laughing and being happy when I actually wake up in the morning in my house.

I hate being an adult and I am scared of growing older.